I don't really remember it. [ He's not looking at Michael. ] It happened real fast, that's what a headshot's s'pposed to do, right? I was just up and then I...wasn't, didn't even see it coming.
[ ...He certainly doesn't sound fine. Probably telling that he doesn't repeat any affirmations of being such. ]
[Michael's not. But he's not quite sure how to ask further, either. He doesn't want to press too hard. Even if he got Alex to admit he's not fine, he's doesn't really know what he plans to do about it.]
Are you going to be alright? I can talk to him, if you're worried he'll try something again. [He does mean talk, just for the moment, but other things aren't entirely off the table.]
[Michael's been reasonably friendly towards him up until now, but he doesn't especially enjoy him? It's just, well. He's used to poor company, he can manage.]
Well, let me know if he ever freaks you out, or anything. He's...I don't know if he'd listen to me, but I am one of maybe three people who hasn't had a public fight with him yet.
...Eh. Fighting in public's a lot less big of a thing than you'd think. I've done it a ton, and he keeps contacting me.
[ Alex really meant it when he said, 4 out of 5 times, Ogata's the one who starts it. ]
I'll... I think it was somethin' I said to him. Like...I did punch the guy. After...you know. Wonderland. [ He coughs a little. ] I was... I was angry, and...he'd hurt Will, and... I was angry. So. I'm not gonna do something like that again.
That's probably for the best. But it wasn't a good reason for shooting you.
[He kinda gets it, anyway. He'd been angry over Will too. But that was different. Will's another immortal. They're friends, and Michael cares about him, but he doesn't feel the same need to keep him safe. Will can look after himself.
...speaking of which.]
I actually did have something else I wanted to talk to you about.
It's just that I learned this new spell recently. If I use it with someone, then later on, I'll be able to tell when they're in trouble.
[And a whole lot of other stuff. He only just Oathed Eleanor, and it's still a very odd experience. He knows she's well; he has a decent idea of where she is, or at least in which direction. It's like there's always a bit of her in the back of his mind, which...is comforting. At least, for him it is. She didn't say anything about her experience in the reverse, so he guesses it can't have been all that bad.]
I was wondering if it would be okay for me to use it with you. Fair warning, it is sort of a two-way street.
[ Look, every time someone's wanted to talk to him recently it's been because they're disappointed in something about death, he has to cover his bases! ]
A...spell? [ This sounds a little familiar, but Alex can't put his finger on it entirely. There are a lot of spells, after all. ] I kinda know one that sounds like that... What's it called?
[And then, in something of a too-deliberate rush:]
I've already set one up with Eleanor, so I know how it works now. I can definitely do it. Not that I screwed it up with her, but you know, it was a little bit of a surprise.
[He hadn't expected it to be so immediate. He's set it aside now, so it's not taking up so much of his focus. Hopefully Eleanor has managed to do the same; her new access to his essence bothers him far more than the reverse.]
[ Alex responds immediately. He feels something like...a line of string, from his head to someone else's, invisibly. His big internal whiteboard, keeping whose feelings are whose straight. ]
...Yeah, I know about that. Will, kind of, uh... He got one with me, accidentally.
Oh, uh, yeah - [Michael hasn't really told anybody that he became a paladin. It just feels a little silly? In his particular instance?] - you know. Did he?
[That...Michael thinks about that for a moment. It seems like it could change things. Will's more than capable; he could likely protect Alex better than Michael. It's probably not all that practical to double up. The most pragmatic thing to do would probably be to just Oath someone else. It's not as though Michael doesn't have other friends.
But it doesn't change anything. It wasn't just a job that needed doing to him, something that could be pawned off on somebody else like a pile of paperwork. He wants that assurance - that connection - for himself.
...of course, it could very easily change things on Alex's end. He's already got one paladin all up in his head.]
[ An awkward kind of half smile as Alex turns away for a moment. ]
He was like... I told him about how I... [ The smile falls. ] How Ogata killed me. And...he was explaining about it, abstractly, and said he'd...you know, vow to protect me from that kind of thing...happening again.
...And then it just...happened. But...I like it. It feels nice to...have an emotional connection like that.
[It was a lot more significant to him than that, really, but use probably is the root of it. Paladins are good at the things Michael wants to be good at.
He's grateful for the subject change, at least, because the rest of that felt like a brush-off. Well, that's fine. Will will look after him well enough.]
I picked up that shield spell, too. Practiced with it in the dojo some, it works pretty well.
What? No, we talked about this- I told you, what it looks like you care about most is the... Is your compassion, your friends. That makes you the best kind of person to be a paladin.
[ How could Michael not think...? Alex shakes his head, and then firmly continues: ]
Anyone'd be happy to have you, like...with that mental link. Me included.
[Michael waves a little impatiently, because as much as it warms some part of him to hear Alex say once more that he's a good person, that's really not what he's on about. It had factored into his fears, certainly. Most paladins probably don't come with millions of years' worth of crimes on their heads. But there were also a lot more basic issues.]
I'm a demon and half the spell descriptions include the word "divine". I'm lucky it didn't just blow me up on principle.
[Even if he's not drawing on a god's power, that extra magic has to be coming from somewhere. If it weren't still divine-aligned, wouldn't that extremely relevant fact have been in one of the books?
...but then again, this seems to be a far less common mode of becoming a paladin. Maybe it wouldn't? This may require some experimentation.
Thinking about that, it takes Michael a moment to catch on to the rest of what Alex said.]
Wh - really? I thought...I mean, you have one with Will already.
[He does his level best not to sound jealous, because he's really not jealous of Will. He likes Will! For all his faults, Michael's never felt especially possessive of his friends. How could he? He likes making new ones, too, and he could never deny even Eleanor or the others that.
Still, he hadn't felt nothing when he saw them all bond with Simone on Earth. He hadn't felt nothing here. But in both cases, even if it, maybe, hurt a little bit...that was his problem, not theirs.]
[Of course he's serious. After everything Michael's done, freaking out and torturing Alex and then turning right back around to him for constant reassurance that he isn't irredeemable, of course Alex is worried that he might be too screwed up. That seems very like him.
It's flabbergasting. Michael steps closer, reaches out, hesitates, and finally decides to put a hand on Alex's shoulder after all.]
Alex, even after I threw a bomb at you, the last thing I heard was you begging me to stop and help you. I think about that a lot.
[Those screams haunt him. So that's his current emotional baggage!]
[Oh, no. Let's just get on with this before he does something terribly embarrassing. The Oath between him and Eleanor hadn't been especially formal - nothing between the two of them is. But for all the forgiveness and trust in the air, this is not the same kind of easy connection. This still feels fragile.]
I promise it won't. The next time you call me for help, I'll be there.
["I promise" is an ironclad oath, for a Kantian. Michael's not one, in the end, but he's picked up at least that much from Chidi.
The Oath that blooms is a tentative one, though a number of less cautious emotions vibrate through it immediately after - disbelieving pride at his continued success in all this Paladin stuff, a continued dull ache of guilt, the determinations to see this through. Michael's not quite so new to mental communication as he is to Oaths. It only takes him a second or two to wall those feelings off, leaving only the faint impression that he's sort of tired. Get used to that one; he's back to not sleeping every single night!]
[ This truly is a deep contrast between his previous Oath. Not bad, just so different, isn't it? Deliberate, but awkward. Alex finds in a way he likes it. A slow wave of it, a presence. The guilt's familiar, pride foreign. Determination inspiring.
All these things go on Alex's mental whiteboard hallway, on the side opposite Will's. An angel and a demon, isn't that something? Alex breathes it in, and though he works to funnel his emotions, the way to let the connection lay gentle and his emotions not...just entirely overwhelm. It's important he get some of those across, however.
Real trust. There's nothing put on or fake in what Alex is saying. Nothing forced. It just is. His own exhaustion, it blankets everything in waves, amplified from the last few days. Something grateful. ]
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[ ...He certainly doesn't sound fine. Probably telling that he doesn't repeat any affirmations of being such. ]
I'm just glad to be on my feet.
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[Michael's not. But he's not quite sure how to ask further, either. He doesn't want to press too hard. Even if he got Alex to admit he's not fine, he's doesn't really know what he plans to do about it.]
Are you going to be alright? I can talk to him, if you're worried he'll try something again. [He does mean talk, just for the moment, but other things aren't entirely off the table.]
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[ Part of Alex doubts that? But it's a small, nervous part that still jumps when he sees an unexpected shadow. ]
He didn't seem too happy about the...the jail time, anyway, so...
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[Michael's been reasonably friendly towards him up until now, but he doesn't especially enjoy him? It's just, well. He's used to poor company, he can manage.]
Well, let me know if he ever freaks you out, or anything. He's...I don't know if he'd listen to me, but I am one of maybe three people who hasn't had a public fight with him yet.
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[ Alex really meant it when he said, 4 out of 5 times, Ogata's the one who starts it. ]
I'll... I think it was somethin' I said to him. Like...I did punch the guy. After...you know. Wonderland. [ He coughs a little. ] I was... I was angry, and...he'd hurt Will, and... I was angry. So. I'm not gonna do something like that again.
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[He kinda gets it, anyway. He'd been angry over Will too. But that was different. Will's another immortal. They're friends, and Michael cares about him, but he doesn't feel the same need to keep him safe. Will can look after himself.
...speaking of which.]
I actually did have something else I wanted to talk to you about.
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[ He mumbles and kind of trails off. An idiot, he was an idiot.
But Michael's saying something else and he looks back up for the first time. ]
Huh? Uh. What, I can't think of anything else I've...tripped into, lately. ...Besides the cult, this- this isn't about the cult, is it?
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[Jeez, man, you aren't in trouble.]
It's just that I learned this new spell recently. If I use it with someone, then later on, I'll be able to tell when they're in trouble.
[And a whole lot of other stuff. He only just Oathed Eleanor, and it's still a very odd experience. He knows she's well; he has a decent idea of where she is, or at least in which direction. It's like there's always a bit of her in the back of his mind, which...is comforting. At least, for him it is. She didn't say anything about her experience in the reverse, so he guesses it can't have been all that bad.]
I was wondering if it would be okay for me to use it with you. Fair warning, it is sort of a two-way street.
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A...spell? [ This sounds a little familiar, but Alex can't put his finger on it entirely. There are a lot of spells, after all. ] I kinda know one that sounds like that... What's it called?
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[And then, in something of a too-deliberate rush:]
I've already set one up with Eleanor, so I know how it works now. I can definitely do it. Not that I screwed it up with her, but you know, it was a little bit of a surprise.
[He hadn't expected it to be so immediate. He's set it aside now, so it's not taking up so much of his focus. Hopefully Eleanor has managed to do the same; her new access to his essence bothers him far more than the reverse.]
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[ Alex responds immediately. He feels something like...a line of string, from his head to someone else's, invisibly. His big internal whiteboard, keeping whose feelings are whose straight. ]
...Yeah, I know about that. Will, kind of, uh... He got one with me, accidentally.
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[That...Michael thinks about that for a moment. It seems like it could change things. Will's more than capable; he could likely protect Alex better than Michael. It's probably not all that practical to double up. The most pragmatic thing to do would probably be to just Oath someone else. It's not as though Michael doesn't have other friends.
But it doesn't change anything. It wasn't just a job that needed doing to him, something that could be pawned off on somebody else like a pile of paperwork. He wants that assurance - that connection - for himself.
...of course, it could very easily change things on Alex's end. He's already got one paladin all up in his head.]
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He was like... I told him about how I... [ The smile falls. ] How Ogata killed me. And...he was explaining about it, abstractly, and said he'd...you know, vow to protect me from that kind of thing...happening again.
...And then it just...happened. But...I like it. It feels nice to...have an emotional connection like that.
[ Silly. But, you know...nice. ]
So you... You became a paladin?
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[It was a lot more significant to him than that, really, but use probably is the root of it. Paladins are good at the things Michael wants to be good at.
He's grateful for the subject change, at least, because the rest of that felt like a brush-off. Well, that's fine. Will will look after him well enough.]
I picked up that shield spell, too. Practiced with it in the dojo some, it works pretty well.
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You don't gotta tell me twice, I'm... I'm learning how to do cleric stuff. I'm pretty into trying to protect other people too. I...think it fits you.
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But it's fine, because that compliment really hits home. Michael looks surprised for a moment, and then his countenance fairly melts.]
Oh...thank you. That really does mean a lot.
[He hesitates, before adding:]
I wasn't really sure if it would work for me. Given, you know - [He lays a hand on his chest.] - everything.
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[ How could Michael not think...? Alex shakes his head, and then firmly continues: ]
Anyone'd be happy to have you, like...with that mental link. Me included.
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I'm a demon and half the spell descriptions include the word "divine". I'm lucky it didn't just blow me up on principle.
[Even if he's not drawing on a god's power, that extra magic has to be coming from somewhere. If it weren't still divine-aligned, wouldn't that extremely relevant fact have been in one of the books?
...but then again, this seems to be a far less common mode of becoming a paladin. Maybe it wouldn't? This may require some experimentation.
Thinking about that, it takes Michael a moment to catch on to the rest of what Alex said.]
Wh - really? I thought...I mean, you have one with Will already.
[He does his level best not to sound jealous, because he's really not jealous of Will. He likes Will! For all his faults, Michael's never felt especially possessive of his friends. How could he? He likes making new ones, too, and he could never deny even Eleanor or the others that.
Still, he hadn't felt nothing when he saw them all bond with Simone on Earth. He hadn't felt nothing here. But in both cases, even if it, maybe, hurt a little bit...that was his problem, not theirs.]
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[ Oh, wait. His mouth turns and skews in thought. ]
That...makes it sound like- ignore that, okay, point is, I like Will a whole lot, but that doesn't mean...that's the only Oath out there.
[ A moment and- well, actually, Alex looks a little embarrassed? A little ashamed. ]
Honestly, I... I was gonna ask if you're sure, it- ...the emotional baggage, it's... I'm sure it's kinda a lot, with...me.
[ This is hilarious after his huge meltdowns! Hilarious! ]
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[Of course he's serious. After everything Michael's done, freaking out and torturing Alex and then turning right back around to him for constant reassurance that he isn't irredeemable, of course Alex is worried that he might be too screwed up. That seems very like him.
It's flabbergasting. Michael steps closer, reaches out, hesitates, and finally decides to put a hand on Alex's shoulder after all.]
Alex, even after I threw a bomb at you, the last thing I heard was you begging me to stop and help you. I think about that a lot.
[Those screams haunt him. So that's his current emotional baggage!]
I never want to leave you like that again.
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...You're, like...the first...immortal, I guess, to give a damn about me as a real person. That's...a big thing, after everything, and...
[ Thinking back to that desperate moment, in which nothing really made sense... He remembers: ]
I couldn't just think you'd throw any of that away. I knew something had to be up.
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[This went weird and not exactly like he hoped it might, so Michael's just gonna take his hand back and put it in his pocket.]
But I appreciate the vote of confidence. Even if I didn't exactly follow through back there.
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I know. ...I knew it wouldn't happen again. 'Cause I trust you.
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Thank you. That's - thank you.
[Oh, no. Let's just get on with this before he does something terribly embarrassing. The Oath between him and Eleanor hadn't been especially formal - nothing between the two of them is. But for all the forgiveness and trust in the air, this is not the same kind of easy connection. This still feels fragile.]
I promise it won't. The next time you call me for help, I'll be there.
["I promise" is an ironclad oath, for a Kantian. Michael's not one, in the end, but he's picked up at least that much from Chidi.
The Oath that blooms is a tentative one, though a number of less cautious emotions vibrate through it immediately after - disbelieving pride at his continued success in all this Paladin stuff, a continued dull ache of guilt, the determinations to see this through. Michael's not quite so new to mental communication as he is to Oaths. It only takes him a second or two to wall those feelings off, leaving only the faint impression that he's sort of tired. Get used to that one; he's back to not sleeping every single night!]
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All these things go on Alex's mental whiteboard hallway, on the side opposite Will's. An angel and a demon, isn't that something? Alex breathes it in, and though he works to funnel his emotions, the way to let the connection lay gentle and his emotions not...just entirely overwhelm. It's important he get some of those across, however.
Real trust. There's nothing put on or fake in what Alex is saying. Nothing forced. It just is. His own exhaustion, it blankets everything in waves, amplified from the last few days. Something grateful. ]
Well... That's that, then, huh?
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