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What? No, we talked about this- I told you, what it looks like you care about most is the... Is your compassion, your friends. That makes you the best kind of person to be a paladin.

[ How could Michael not think...? Alex shakes his head, and then firmly continues: ]

Anyone'd be happy to have you, like...with that mental link. Me included.

[Michael waves a little impatiently, because as much as it warms some part of him to hear Alex say once more that he's a good person, that's really not what he's on about. It had factored into his fears, certainly. Most paladins probably don't come with millions of years' worth of crimes on their heads. But there were also a lot more basic issues.]

I'm a demon and half the spell descriptions include the word "divine". I'm lucky it didn't just blow me up on principle.

[Even if he's not drawing on a god's power, that extra magic has to be coming from somewhere. If it weren't still divine-aligned, wouldn't that extremely relevant fact have been in one of the books?

...but then again, this seems to be a far less common mode of becoming a paladin. Maybe it wouldn't? This may require some experimentation.

Thinking about that, it takes Michael a moment to catch on to the rest of what Alex said.]

Wh - really? I thought...I mean, you have one with Will already.

[He does his level best not to sound jealous, because he's really not jealous of Will. He likes Will! For all his faults, Michael's never felt especially possessive of his friends. How could he? He likes making new ones, too, and he could never deny even Eleanor or the others that.

Still, he hadn't felt nothing when he saw them all bond with Simone on Earth. He hadn't felt nothing here. But in both cases, even if it, maybe, hurt a little bit...that was his problem, not theirs.]

Wha... So you thought- dude, that's like saying you've already got...one batch of cookies, it doesn't make another batch of cookies anything less.

[ Oh, wait. His mouth turns and skews in thought. ]

That...makes it sound like- ignore that, okay, point is, I like Will a whole lot, but that doesn't mean...that's the only Oath out there.

[ A moment and- well, actually, Alex looks a little embarrassed? A little ashamed. ]

Honestly, I... I was gonna ask if you're sure, it- ...the emotional baggage, it's... I'm sure it's kinda a lot, with...me.

[ This is hilarious after his huge meltdowns! Hilarious! ]

Are you serious?

[Of course he's serious. After everything Michael's done, freaking out and torturing Alex and then turning right back around to him for constant reassurance that he isn't irredeemable, of course Alex is worried that he might be too screwed up. That seems very like him.

It's flabbergasting. Michael steps closer, reaches out, hesitates, and finally decides to put a hand on Alex's shoulder after all.]

Alex, even after I threw a bomb at you, the last thing I heard was you begging me to stop and help you. I think about that a lot.

[Those screams haunt him. So that's his current emotional baggage!]

I never want to leave you like that again.

[ Alex doesn't flinch away from Michael's touch, but he doesn't really meet his eye. Shame. Embarrassment. All that- ]

...You're, like...the first...immortal, I guess, to give a damn about me as a real person. That's...a big thing, after everything, and...

[ Thinking back to that desperate moment, in which nothing really made sense... He remembers: ]

I couldn't just think you'd throw any of that away. I knew something had to be up.

Of course I wouldn't.

[This went weird and not exactly like he hoped it might, so Michael's just gonna take his hand back and put it in his pocket.]

But I appreciate the vote of confidence. Even if I didn't exactly follow through back there.

[ A slow, steady glance now, from Michael to the retreating hand... ]

I know. ...I knew it wouldn't happen again. 'Cause I trust you.

[Michael swallows, his eyes suspiciously shiny.]

Thank you. That's - thank you.

[Oh, no. Let's just get on with this before he does something terribly embarrassing. The Oath between him and Eleanor hadn't been especially formal - nothing between the two of them is. But for all the forgiveness and trust in the air, this is not the same kind of easy connection. This still feels fragile.]

I promise it won't. The next time you call me for help, I'll be there.

["I promise" is an ironclad oath, for a Kantian. Michael's not one, in the end, but he's picked up at least that much from Chidi.

The Oath that blooms is a tentative one, though a number of less cautious emotions vibrate through it immediately after - disbelieving pride at his continued success in all this Paladin stuff, a continued dull ache of guilt, the determinations to see this through. Michael's not quite so new to mental communication as he is to Oaths. It only takes him a second or two to wall those feelings off, leaving only the faint impression that he's sort of tired. Get used to that one; he's back to not sleeping every single night!]

[ This truly is a deep contrast between his previous Oath. Not bad, just so different, isn't it? Deliberate, but awkward. Alex finds in a way he likes it. A slow wave of it, a presence. The guilt's familiar, pride foreign. Determination inspiring.

All these things go on Alex's mental whiteboard hallway, on the side opposite Will's. An angel and a demon, isn't that something? Alex breathes it in, and though he works to funnel his emotions, the way to let the connection lay gentle and his emotions not...just entirely overwhelm. It's important he get some of those across, however.

Real trust. There's nothing put on or fake in what Alex is saying. Nothing forced. It just is. His own exhaustion, it blankets everything in waves, amplified from the last few days. Something grateful. ]

Well... That's that, then, huh?

I guess it is.

[The bond, and that sense of trust, settles over Michael strangely, like a good winter coat that's maybe a size too big. But it feels nice. Perhaps he could grow into it - or maybe it's not the wrong size at all?

Well. He'll figure it out. For now, it's placed carefully to the side in his mind, tangible but not overwhelming. Michael smiles softly, rolling his shoulders a little.]

Well, I'm done in here tonight. Wanna head back? I'm thinking I might actually try to sleep.

Oh, really, you?

[ Just like that, he slips into something more casual. The Oath's a nice little...guide, just a gentle hand, pulling him along. The serious stuff is over, it says. ]

What's the occasion, fight a bear recently?

[Michael smiles, happy to slip away from topics of import. Not that their conversation was bad - that actually went well! But it's nice, after so long of feeling weird around Alex, to just sort of casually chat.]

Well, it's been a few days, I thought I might give it another shot! And Wash and I have spent a little more time together lately.

[It was never about Wash, particularly; Michael's just unnerved about the idea of being unconscious around most people.]

A few days... [ A laugh slips out, though it's half incredulous and defeated. ] Well, you know, baby steps.

I really don't know how you stand it. It's the absolute most vulnerable you could possibly be.

[He's making fun, of course, doing his usual "complain about human frailties" routine. But there's a core of honesty in there.]

A demon is never just...unaware like that. Even if we end up losing our physical forms and having to rebuild from goo, the goo is still entirely conscious.

Okay, that is scary to me.

[ Just gonna...start walking back, yeah? ]

I know being unconscious is dangerous, like- d'you know how many times I stayed up to try and avoid death? But all it did was make me more...sluggish and tired. But not having a way to rest, like...ever? To just turn off and give yourself a break? That sounds awful.

That's hardly much of a break. You aren't even awake to enjoy it!

[Surely a real break involves going to do something fun? Michael's certainly wanted a lot more of those than he's gotten, over the years, but when he did he'd always spend them on something he enjoyed, something he wanted to do. Working on his own designs, maybe batting a few humans around.]

The rest is the enjoying part. Don't have to worry about anything.

[ Alex is of the opinion that the only time he can afford to not be freaking out is when he's literally unconscious.

...At least he's aware this sucks. ]

...technically true.

[It still seems dull to Michael. Surely relaxation ought to come along with some sort of recreation? Play a game, watch something.]

There's a few things that can be done to us, where oblivion would be better. But not that many. You can wait a lot of stuff out, at my age.

I guess the big difference is...I dunno, I don't think of it as oblivion. It's just another part of the day.

I guess that's interesting. We really never distinguished that much between periods of time - it was more about tasks, or jobs. There's no "end of the day" for us.

[It's just one task, and then the next. There's Jeremy Bearimy, of course, but nobody really marks the end of a Bearimy with anything special.]

...We're gonna get into talking time shit again, and you know, I don't think I like thinking about that, so I'm just gonna let it pass.

[ Oh honey, you ain't gonna like this mission. ]

Yeah, that was what broke Chidi too. Eleanor found him later making "M&M Peeps chili" and yelling about nihilism to a lecture hall full of students.

[Michael sorta regrets not getting to see that. But then again, he's got a billion funny Chidi stories nobody else even remembers now, so it's probably fair.]

...The teacher guy, he did that?

[ Gossip about your friends!! Especially now that another one of them is here. ]

He seems like, the opposite of that. ...Oh, guess that's why the call it an existential crisis.

Yeeeeeah. That one was my bad.

[His and Janet's? Mostly his, let's be real]

But he did give me an existential crisis once, you know.

You? Really? ...How?

[ This is more like it. Gossip he likes! ]

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