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[You know, he feels like this doesn't really answer his question at all. Granted he didn't really ask a proper question. But. You know. Still!!!!]

I don't need you to tell me that. None of what you people do makes sense to me. But I have to assume that what you're doing makes some sense to you?
[Which; please tell him. Please explain. It still hasn't occured to Ogata that once again he's the one who initiated this conversation.]

I- I'm-

[ That hesitation, it's going to cost him. He knows, or at least he thinks he does, but-

Hell. Why not use the words of someone else? ] ...It's a feeling. Alright? It's just a feeling.

[Ogata is quiet for a lonng time. Thinking. That feels like such a vague answer. Just a feeling? About what? What sort of feeling? Does Alex even know? He pauses, because he’s trying. Attempting to understand. It’s not something he’s used to really attempting, but, well, if all these weird kids are, he might as well try, too.

When he actually really thinks about it, it’s not actually entirely unfamiliar. He always finds some justification after the fact, but he’s acted on a feeling, he supposes. Underlying motives not fully realized. Whims. If that’s what this is, it’s a poor one. But isn’t that what teenagers are supposed to do?]

You’re what? [He pauses again, briefly, before adding, thinking perhaps it might help.] I’m trying to understand.

That.

[ The world's a damn puzzle that can never be solved. No matter how much time he's spent trying, how much time he's spent cheating the system. That extends to people, doesn't it? He couldn't micromanage the world to survive because the world includes people. ]

...Maybe you can't see it. But through all the talk...there's someone who wants to get it. That's what keeps me talking to you.

Edited 2019-11-30 00:29 (UTC)

[Well. Seems he was right to make that little addendum. That said, while he meant it, he hadn't really attached any sort of desire to it. A motive. Ridiculous, maybe, but he does plenty of things either just on impulse, or instinct, or simply because he was told to. So the suggestion that he's trying to understand simply because he wants to understand, it surprises him. Is that really right?

He tries to think of another reason. There's no strategic benefit to it. No one is ordering him to. He doesn't, as far as he's aware, get anything out of it. He thinks, briefly, about how impossible such a desire must be. He doesn't have the pieces to be like everyone else. He lacks some crucial component. Surely that rules out understanding as well.

But then, of course, he always knew, really, that he could never have the father he wanted. But that didn't make the desire go away.]

... Maybe so. But wanting something doesn't matter in the long run. I don't want to be like this but that isn't going to change what I am.
[He thinks this is a valid dismissal. Because he's stupid.]

Edited 2019-12-01 01:27 (UTC)

Yeah, of course, you dumbass, but that's not like it means nothing.

[ Alex says this with a light grumble, but alright, at least he's getting somewhere. ]

Wanting something doesn't mean you just get it, but it means I'm talkin' to someone whose not just jerkin' me around. Sure there's some of that in there, probably a lot, but you're...asking things, actually listening. Not just trying to fuck with everyone.

[ Maybe he's getting a little tripped up, but Alex- he has a point to make. Get it back in order, get your thoughts together- ]

...If you acknowledge it, that's the first step.

[There's a lot of things Ogata could say here. Things make a little more sense now. Alex has been willing to talk to him because he doesn't think he's being messed with... well, that's not wrong. For whatever reason, he's gotten over his initial annoyance at Alex. Taken over instead by confusion. Curiosity. He'd expect someone who'd died to be dulled to it. Alex is the exact opposite.

And he understands things Ogata doesn't. Things he didn't even believe to be real until his hand was forced, here. He doesn't like things he doesn't understand, and since he can't just shoot them away, he has to try to understand. That's all it is.]

... Alright.
[There's a deep wish to ask what Alex thinks the next step is since he sounds like he knows, but. That's too much. He's hit his limit.]

I can figure the rest out without your help.
[He absolutely cannot.]

[ No you can't, Alex doesn't say, because even if it's true it'd probably prompt an undesired reaction, to say the least. Does Ogata even know he's lying? An obvious, desperate attempt to end the conversation? Because what Alex recognizes now is exhaustion. He'll say anything right now to get out of this, won't he?

To give himself a rest.

It's funny, Alex always comes away from these conversations feeling less scared of this man and more sorry for him. What Sayori had said... He wonders if she's the same way. ]

Yeah. Okay.

[ That's that, then. ]

...Guess I'll see ya 'round.

[He's feeling very tired and fairly vulnerable. He likes neither of these feelings and needs to escape!! As evidenced by the snippy comment he makes right before hanging up;]

You won't. You told me to stay away from you.
[As if it's not far too late for that now and sending him many messages really qualifies as staying away from Alex.]

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