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[Mia's already well aware the jellyfish can display their memories, already having witnessed Maya's-- but here she still is in the Jellyfish library, watching as many of the strangely recorded histories as she can. She can't avoid everyone entirely, but she has tried to visit with as few other people present as possible.

This time, when she's pretty sure she's mostly alone, she doesn't try to stop the projections of the jellyfish when they feed on something that's been pulling at her mind.

Now, Miss Fey, I'll take what's mine... the papers.

A voice that sounds like it's underwater plays from the shadowy figure before Mia's perspective. Well, it's less of a shadowy figure and more... obnoxiously purple, in the dim moonlight filtering through the blinds of what is definitely a law office, down to the low-pill carpet.

I'm sorry, but I can't give you what I don't have.

The figure isn't pleased with the response Mia's memory gives. He frowns, then smiles again, gesturing past her.

Miss Fey, you are a poor liar. Why, I see it right over there... That must be "The Thinker" that swallowed those papers.

The 'camera' of the memory begins to pan around the room. A jump from the clock on her desk resembling the famous The Thinker statue, to the image of her assailant moving toward the clock-- then around the room again as Mia looks for a way out. "How could you know...?" She asks, but the figure is in the way of her path out of the office.

The figure makes a clicking sound with his tongue, and mimes a phone call with his hand, thumb and pinky as the speaker and receiver. Ho hoh. You are not cogniferous of my background? Gathering information is my business, you see.

I... I should have been more careful. Mia's words ring out through that bubbly, watery sounding filter of the passage of time, clear and apparent as the words she knows for sure she said-- words she still believes. The camera spins as her assailant approaches her, clock in hand.

Ho hoh. My dear Miss Fey... I am so very sorry. But I am afraid I must ask you for one more thing. Your eternal silence... Farewell, Miss Fey.

And then, like a TV cutting out short, the image is gone, and Mia is left there staring into the jellyfish as they float away. Her arms remain crossed and she doesn't move a limb or her face, but she does let out a long sigh.

It's not every day you get to relive your own death, especially not where curious teenagers can see it.]

[ Alex really hates this library. He does.

And yet, he can't stop finding himself in it. Even for a glimpse of the people he's left behind, the ones he can't see again- even if they beat this thing, the ones who won't come back- it's intoxicating. He'll gladly deal with the skeletons in his closet, if he can find a moment's peace.

Of course, it makes it so easy then, to spy other people's skeletons, too.

It's unfortunate that he's as curious as he is. He knows it's wrong, he should just leave. But he finds Mia, and, well...he hadn't spoken to her in a little while. Considering her little sister got the rundown of his pretty pathetic life, he's been meaning to...check in, something.

But, he doesn't anticipate catching something like this, when he does.

Just...how many people here are like him? After all? ]

Jesus. [ It's involuntary. He doesn't realize it, not until it's already out. ] Shit- uh- Mia...?

[Really, she should have expected someone coming back.

I should have been more careful. Rings through her head again as she spins to face the source of that 'Jesus', and--

Ah.]

Alex.

[It's calm, despite her wide eyes and the lift of one hand to her chin. She still remembers his name-- and after his help saving Maya, she won't forget.]

I didn't realise you were here, I'm sorry.

[At least she doesn't seem angry, though her surprise doesn't fade too quickly.]

No. Shit, it's fine. I mean, it's really not, but...

[ What's he to do with all this? Clearly, it's caught him just as off-guard as Mia, and...

Well, he'll say the same thing he did to Kaede. ]

You don't... I can just go. Like...you don't have to say anything.

[Mia takes a moment to look between Alex and where the image was and no longer is, and her shoulders slack despite an unchanging expression.]

No, it's not exactly a secret. And you are quite the detective, even if it was.

[She turns a calmer face, soft smile on, to Alex, and adds-]

Not your first murder, then?

[This is a good and casual way to talk to teens right]

[ He almost mumbles, no, that's not true. He barely did anything. He barely helped. But, his own insecurities aren't what matter right now.

Still, his eyes dart away. ]

...Sorta. Kinda. I mean... Yeah. You could call it that.

[Mia would fight him anyway, with ample evidence-- but he doesn't voice those insecurities, and it falls quiet.]

Yeah?

What would you call it?

[She puts that big-sister honey all over her tone, trying to speak openly most of all, invite him into the space he's crashed into.

It is not a secret that she's dead.

And her regretting it... isn't a secret worth driving others away over.]

[ He's looking at the other fish. The jellyfish. Trying to make sure any who've taken a liking to him don't come their way. ]

Death. [ Eventually, someone's going to tell him he's crazy. Someone's going to tell him, again, that it doesn't work like that. It couldn't have. So, he's guarded. As with everyone. ] Just... It's just Death. With a grudge.

Hm.

[It's a gentle, half-laugh, as Mia looks away.]

Maybe.

[Another little laugh. She and her sister are always on the other end of someone's grudge, aren't they? It doesn't strike her immediately as literal, especially given she remembers how it felt to be dead. To defy death.]

I was lucky, though. I didn't have to stop there.

Edited 2019-09-17 01:09 (UTC)

[ He wants to almost clarify it. That Death itself is what has a grudge against him--or maybe that's too far. Maybe he's giving himself too much importance, and he's just...a gnat. An annoying fly, who it let buzz around for longer because it just didn't care enough. Because it was too much of a hassle.

He can never decide, just what It felt of him. ]

...Lots of people are like that. All this...you see it as luck? A second chance?

[Mia looks his way again, lifting an eyebrow.]

This? Being with the Bureau, you mean?

[A hand comes to rest under her chin as she thinks, new questions and other answers forming in her head.]

This... no. Becoming a Reclaimer, if Maya was here first? That must have been destiny.

[ That's...

Alex deflates a little. It should sound comforting. It should. Really. ]

Destiny... [ A vague grimace. ] If...you like the sound of all that. A reunion, like with you and Maya... Sure sounds like that could be nice.

Hmm. This wasn't our first reunion, though.

[Not for Mia, anyway.

But Mia can read the discomfort on Alex's face; his assumptions aren't the answers he's looking for. She doesn't know what answers he's looking for, but she does know her truth.]

Alex, I think I should tell you- I was active as a spirit after my death. For three years, actually, before we all ended up with the Bureau.

My sister and I and the other girls in our family were spirit channelers, and Maya was able to call me back from the dead several times. In the meantime, I watched from beyond the veil. That's just how it was.

I don't know that the Bureau will keep me alive or give me a 'second chance' when our task is done, but... I know I'm here to help her. That's all I mean.

...You remember what it was like? After?

[ His mouth's dropped open, in a kind of fascination and- and wonder. It's probably a strange reaction? ]

And that's where...the Director... [ It all clicks together, and that almost-positive, almost-relieved atmosphere evaporates. ] ...So you think when this is all over, it's...back to that again. Back to being...that.

[ A fist takes hold in his stomach. And he- ]

Why wouldn't they? After all this... What right do they have, to send you back to that?

Edited (word) 2019-09-17 03:47 (UTC)

[Mia watches every move of Alex's, each of his responses answering a new question of hers. Before she answers his though, she has one of her own, and trades a truth for a truth.]

To be honest, Alex, I haven't thought about it before you asked me. But...

Are you dead, as well?

[She doesn't mince words.]

[ He freezes. That alone should be an answer for her. That alone...

He looks away. ]

I was just...there. There was nothing, just- just darkness and black and I didn't know anything, just that I was there, forever, and I- I'd failed, I-

[ Bites down on his lip. Hard. ]

Yeah. I was fuckin' dead.

[Oddly, Mia's expression stops changing. It's unreadable again- gentle, but unreadable. That's not an altogether foreign sounding concept; even though she was at peace while dead, other spirits didn't have the same advantage- often as a result of how they died.

Mia takes a few steps closer before she speaks again.]

Where I'm from, death... Isn't always the end of the story. And someone once told me not to give up until things were really over.

[Her head tilts slightly to the side.]

If it's not over, I can't decide what the Bureau will and won't do, now, can I?

If it's not over, have you truly failed?

They-

[ She's approaching him, and he doesn't know what to do. The thought of going back to that, to that dark abyss, that hateful feeling, it terrifies him.

Despite how stupidly self-sacrificial he can be, Alex doesn't want to die. ]

I couldn't help anyone- I couldn't- they all died, and- and then, whatever I did, everyone kept- I couldn't stop them from dying, a-and then I left her alone, 'cause I- there's- there's nothing else I can do, if I d- die again-

[ It's stammers, broken sentences, and those hand tremors, the ones Mia would've seen when he freaked out about the landing, they start to return. He remembers they're underwater. His brain can't reason that there's something special and magical going on. What if he starts drowning? Of all the ways he's almost died, that- that was the worst one, helpless and the world going black, desperate for breath-

What if he dies? Why's he here? Why's he doing this to Mia, to another person, freaking the fuck out over something he can't control (because he can't control it)-

Alex gasps and when he doesn't feel his lungs catch fire his shoulders heave and sink. His eyes find hers, and all he feels is lost. ]

Everyone was counting on me.

[Oh, Alex. He really was far too young to die.

Mia watches him for a moment, a barrier of uncertainty between them as Alex's panic clouds the space. Her face does change, finally, though very subtly; the softening of her eyes, the ever-so-slight tilt up of her brows. She feels for him some fears that she didn't even think to feel for herself, and even though they edge at her mind from Alex's own panic, she's more concerned for him right now.

She bridges the space between them, grasps his wrist, takes his hand into hers and maintains that eye contact he's made. She doesn't try to stop his tremors or hold him still, just to link, just to connect.]

Then you've got to keep fighting for them, don't you? And for yourself.

You've got to believe this isn't the end. That it won't be the end.

[ There's a heavy lump in his throat, like cement in his shoes, weighing him down. Alex looks from her face to his hands, remembering every face he'd seen that day, on Volée Airlines Flight 180. ]

But I... Even if we win. It won't bring back everyone else. All the ones who...who died before.

[ So many people. So many people, every face etched into his memory, let alone the ones he "saved" and then- ]

I've- I've let down so many people.

[She aches for this boy. She holds onto his hand like a tether at sea. She doesn't know what his life was like before, but she's learning what he's like now; the evidence lain before her in Alex's panicking breaths when they landed in their pod, in his dedication to solving the crime at the inn, the way Alex's brain put together pieces that otherwise may have remained unconnected. She sees who Alex is now, shaking and struggling to breathe despite the magic making it possible.

She sees herself, years ago, watching Terry Fawles drink poison and bleed out on the stand despite her best efforts.]

Maybe you have. We all let people down, Alex.

But those failures... they don't cheapen our victories.

They don't make the lives we save less worth saving.

Edited 2019-09-21 17:19 (UTC)

[ Tod. Terry. Ms. Lewton. Billy. Carter. George, Blake, Christa, Mr. Murnau, Kate Stephen Lisa Sally Dave Joey Brooke Derick the flight attendant who smiled at him the crying baby the man with Lou Gehrig's disease--

Every face. Every single person. All almost three-hundred people, piled up on his back, fingers curled around his neck. Every. One.

He winces and shuts his eyes tight. ]

I've only saved one. By dying. And the... The Hunger...

[ He couldn't even save her. ]

One person is enough. One person is worth saving.

[Alex is so hurt, that pain spreads. Mia doesn't feel like she can truly motivate him, not the way her sister can, but she has to try- has to help him see that he just needs to believe. Mia moves her hands to Alex's shoulders, bracing him, trying to keep him steady, trying to ground him. She has no idea if anything she's saying is even working.]

And it isn't over. The Hunger doesn't have to win.

You haven't lost. You haven't failed. Not yet.

[ Something physical to keep him rooted there. He looks up, eyes finally focusing.

And, slowly, he nods. ]

She was. Is. She was worth everything. [ But the Hunger- no. His shoulders droop, as if he's going to collapse. There's a lot more give in this underwater world, though, so no, he doesn't. ]

I just- ...All I had...when I died...was that awful place. I don't...really know how much I can buy, that- that there's more.

There has to be more. And you have to believe in more. Your belief is stronger than death.

[Maybe it's because it was how she was taught, or maybe it's because of what Alex said earlier, but Mia starts to talk about death as though it's a separate entity, too.]

And death knows that. That's- that's why it tries to control you with fear.

[Alex might not know it, but these are all pieced-together answers from Mia reflecting on what she's learned about spirits and the afterlife as a channeler. A scared spirit has all the more chance of that spiritual torture after death, requiring all those rituals her family performed, anyway. And maybe that's not what Alex was going through, but it's all they have. It's the only shred of hope Mia has to offer him.]

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action; backdated to the last week in Lyrabar also spoiler warning for Actual Dialog Pulled from AA

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panic attacks ahoy, drowning ref

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more cw: discussions of suicide in brackets

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