[Ah, there it is. The rejection. He can feel Yuusaku breathing down his neck, blood rushing in his ears. He really has seen so many things here that don't fit.
They don't fit and he can't just get rid of them the way he has before. He can't excise them from existence with a bullet or a knife so he can slot things back into place. He can't just do that and move along to somewhere else, to some other temporary niche to slot into. He's not sure if he even really wants to, this time.
But if he has to just tolerate these inconsistencies, he has to think about them. To consider them. To consider that, maybe they aren't. Maybe Alex is right. And he's wrong. And he shouldn't exist. His hands reflexively go through the motions of loading his rifle, having done it so many times they know exactly where the gun would slot into his hands. His finger twitching at the trigger-
no subject
They don't fit and he can't just get rid of them the way he has before. He can't excise them from existence with a bullet or a knife so he can slot things back into place. He can't just do that and move along to somewhere else, to some other temporary niche to slot into. He's not sure if he even really wants to, this time.
But if he has to just tolerate these inconsistencies, he has to think about them. To consider them. To consider that, maybe they aren't. Maybe Alex is right. And he's wrong. And he shouldn't exist. His hands reflexively go through the motions of loading his rifle, having done it so many times they know exactly where the gun would slot into his hands. His finger twitching at the trigger-
When he speaks, there's a strain in his voice.]
I can't do that.