Scared? [It's not an emotion he really ever feels, he thinks. Fear is rooted in losing something. Your life, your family, your standing, your possessions. Ogata really doesn't have much of any of that to lose. He doesn't have enough of a connection to what he does have. His life isn't worth much, outside of dying to prove a point.
He thinks about Yuusaku, and as has become the theme as of late, swears he sees him out of the corner of his eye when he does. Luckily, he only seems to full materialize when Ogata's fallen out of his own head. If he had said what he'd just said to Yuusaku, he could imagine the reaction. It would have been the same as back then. You're not like that, brother! Had he been afraid, then? Afraid to understand, afraid to not understand, whatever it was, he'd simply decided to reject Ogata's own feelings. His experience. He can remember that hug feeling like a straight jacket, or maybe like a riptide.]
No. I think most of the emotions people feel- or claim to feel- are complete fabrications. People learn to act a certain way in order to get their desired results. Of course I'm not going to be able to understand something that's made up. [That's how he's always rationalized it. It's become harder to justify in recent months but... if he doesn't have this, then...
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[It's not an emotion he really ever feels, he thinks. Fear is rooted in losing something. Your life, your family, your standing, your possessions. Ogata really doesn't have much of any of that to lose. He doesn't have enough of a connection to what he does have. His life isn't worth much, outside of dying to prove a point.
He thinks about Yuusaku, and as has become the theme as of late, swears he sees him out of the corner of his eye when he does. Luckily, he only seems to full materialize when Ogata's fallen out of his own head. If he had said what he'd just said to Yuusaku, he could imagine the reaction. It would have been the same as back then. You're not like that, brother! Had he been afraid, then? Afraid to understand, afraid to not understand, whatever it was, he'd simply decided to reject Ogata's own feelings. His experience. He can remember that hug feeling like a straight jacket, or maybe like a riptide.]
No. I think most of the emotions people feel- or claim to feel- are complete fabrications. People learn to act a certain way in order to get their desired results. Of course I'm not going to be able to understand something that's made up.
[That's how he's always rationalized it. It's become harder to justify in recent months but... if he doesn't have this, then...
Maybe he would actually have to be afraid.]