Alex Browning (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rockymountaindie) wrote2019-05-08 06:07 pm
rockymountaindie) wrote2019-05-08 06:07 pm
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text | audio | video | action
[ For a moment, Alex doesn't reply. He clears his throat and- ]
Because I hit 'im. And I mouthed off. And...he wanted me to learn something.
[ He's pretty casual about it all, on text. At least, he was, in the few places he'd thrown in his thoughts. Dismissive, sarcastic. Not so, now. All that's in his voice now is bitterness. Regret. ]
Because I hit 'im. And I mouthed off. And...he wanted me to learn something.
[ He's pretty casual about it all, on text. At least, he was, in the few places he'd thrown in his thoughts. Dismissive, sarcastic. Not so, now. All that's in his voice now is bitterness. Regret. ]
. . . Right.
[There's no reprimand in Mista's voice. Not a ton of emotion at all, as a matter of fact. Just the grim sense of not-really-satisfaction at being proven right when he really didn't want to be.]
Okay. I'm telling you this because I don't wanna keep shit from you. [. . . It's not not pointed.] And you're my friend.
If he pulls something like this again, I'm gonna kill him.
[Fact.]
As many times as it takes.
[Fact.]
[There's no reprimand in Mista's voice. Not a ton of emotion at all, as a matter of fact. Just the grim sense of not-really-satisfaction at being proven right when he really didn't want to be.]
Okay. I'm telling you this because I don't wanna keep shit from you. [. . . It's not not pointed.] And you're my friend.
If he pulls something like this again, I'm gonna kill him.
[Fact.]
As many times as it takes.
[Fact.]
[ Alex hates this. After Wonderland, he hadn't wanted to make anyone hurt like that again. They were all supposed to have some time to relax. But then this.
And Monika, and another set of arrivals comes and goes and his heart in his throat (at least he knows who to miss oh god what if someone he forgot shows up here, what if they're here and he doesn't--)
and Alex takes a quick, short breath to try and calm his thoughts before they get away from him. ]
Yeah. [ Something more than that, idiot. ] ...Yeah. That's...about the shape of it. I was goin' to...to check on Erika, and... Yeah.
And Monika, and another set of arrivals comes and goes and his heart in his throat (at least he knows who to miss oh god what if someone he forgot shows up here, what if they're here and he doesn't--)
and Alex takes a quick, short breath to try and calm his thoughts before they get away from him. ]
Yeah. [ Something more than that, idiot. ] ...Yeah. That's...about the shape of it. I was goin' to...to check on Erika, and... Yeah.
[ This requires a response immediately, and yet Alex can barely find the words. ]
Sh- M-Mista, what?! No, you- you can't, can't do that, don't you remember what I- it's four times 'nd then she's gotta collect, and- and more than that you- we still lose somethin', after all that, it's not a...a video game respawn!
Sh- M-Mista, what?! No, you- you can't, can't do that, don't you remember what I- it's four times 'nd then she's gotta collect, and- and more than that you- we still lose somethin', after all that, it's not a...a video game respawn!
[ A bit firmer. ]
So- you can't do that, man, you can't.
So- you can't do that, man, you can't.
'Cause I'm not gonna let anyone else die 'cause of me! Not even a fucking asshole like him.
[ My people, something about that gives him just a moment's pause. ]
Why'd you be doing this? 'Cause he killed me, so no matter how much of it's somethin' else- it's still about me, and I'm not- what d'you think the Director'd do to you if you did something like that? Jesus Christ, Mist, think for a minute!
Why'd you be doing this? 'Cause he killed me, so no matter how much of it's somethin' else- it's still about me, and I'm not- what d'you think the Director'd do to you if you did something like that? Jesus Christ, Mist, think for a minute!
[That's not even remotely close to the whole story and she knows it. But she can ask Ogata for that if she needs to. It will probably be easier for him to tell it than it would be for Alex.
Ugh, thinking about that makes her feel sick. How could anyone feel okay about doing this?
She takes a breath too.] ...so you lost something. Right?
[She words it carefully. He can tell her what it is if he wants to, and if he doesn't want to them he doesn't have to go through the trouble of saying he won't tell her.]
Ugh, thinking about that makes her feel sick. How could anyone feel okay about doing this?
She takes a breath too.] ...so you lost something. Right?
[She words it carefully. He can tell her what it is if he wants to, and if he doesn't want to them he doesn't have to go through the trouble of saying he won't tell her.]
[ In that moment, as he's too slow to pull away from his bracer and it catches the sharp, horrible intake of breath he takes involuntarily, as the warmth drains from his arms and a dull buzz of white noise chokes his ears-
That should tell Sayori all she needs to know, about the true reason he hasn't been very forthcoming about this whole mess.
A moment of breathing. Just breathing. ]
Right. [ And breathless. Both, at once. He breathes, but none of it does anything. He's still like this. ] Right, I did.
That should tell Sayori all she needs to know, about the true reason he hasn't been very forthcoming about this whole mess.
A moment of breathing. Just breathing. ]
Right. [ And breathless. Both, at once. He breathes, but none of it does anything. He's still like this. ] Right, I did.
...
[Yeah, she gets it.
Whatever he lost is too horrific to speak of.
The nauseous feeling in her stomach intensifies with the sharp stab of pain in her chest.]
I can come see you. In person. [Once again, worded carefully, though not as carefully as the last, the concern too obvious in her wobbling voice.]
[Yeah, she gets it.
Whatever he lost is too horrific to speak of.
The nauseous feeling in her stomach intensifies with the sharp stab of pain in her chest.]
I can come see you. In person. [Once again, worded carefully, though not as carefully as the last, the concern too obvious in her wobbling voice.]
[ It's impossible to ignore that slip, but oh, part of Alex wants to. If he can just package that part away, maybe, maybe it won't ache every day. If he can just never talk about it, maybe the overwhelming guilt will stop.
That's foolish, and he's known this whole time; nothing, not a single thing, will ever give him that relief. ]
I'm not-- [ No, it sticks in his throat, a wet and sticky sound as he coughs. It's like he's choking on black sludge all over again. ] Don't... Sayori, it's gonna--
[ His voice catches and skips, from a low, scratchy voice close to the regular register, to a cracked squeak that would probably be funny, in other circumstances. ]
Room. [ It's the closest to a verbal agreement he can get out. A mumbled, muffled word, hidden by his hand as he pinches the bridge of his nose, tight as possible. ]
That's foolish, and he's known this whole time; nothing, not a single thing, will ever give him that relief. ]
I'm not-- [ No, it sticks in his throat, a wet and sticky sound as he coughs. It's like he's choking on black sludge all over again. ] Don't... Sayori, it's gonna--
[ His voice catches and skips, from a low, scratchy voice close to the regular register, to a cracked squeak that would probably be funny, in other circumstances. ]
Room. [ It's the closest to a verbal agreement he can get out. A mumbled, muffled word, hidden by his hand as he pinches the bridge of his nose, tight as possible. ]
[She's braced for him to say no before he starts speaking. And in the middle, she's already deciding whether she's going to ignore his "no" because he obviously shouldn't be alone with this.
Thankfully, she doesn't have to make that decision, because he changes his mind.] Okay. I'll be right there.
[Good thing Wash has made her do her cardio.
She doesn't waste any time, jumping whole flights of stairs with Feather Fall and probably reaching floor Prosperitas in record time. It's only a few minutes between her sending her message and her arrival.
She knocks when she reaches Alex's dorm, and at the same time:] It's me.
Thankfully, she doesn't have to make that decision, because he changes his mind.] Okay. I'll be right there.
[Good thing Wash has made her do her cardio.
She doesn't waste any time, jumping whole flights of stairs with Feather Fall and probably reaching floor Prosperitas in record time. It's only a few minutes between her sending her message and her arrival.
She knocks when she reaches Alex's dorm, and at the same time:] It's me.
[ Honestly? Alex was going to say no. He's sort of shocked he didn't, but the guilt's really the tipping point, isn't it? Keeping quiet isn't easy. He hates it, honestly.
So, the guilt, that's something he can very quickly interface with and understand, something that pushes his severe desire to not talk about it aside.
Does he really want to let more people down?
That knock's sooner than he expected. He jumps, from where he's standing, by that...strange, ugly amalgam of scrap metal that he'd been toting around last month. Something to make the room less drab, less rambles and notes taped to the wall above his bed.
(God, he's glad his roommate's out--)
Alex wets his lips. His eyes are locked on the sculpture instead, one finger tapping its question mark shaped head. It bounces back and forth lightly. ]
Ye- yeah. It's open.
So, the guilt, that's something he can very quickly interface with and understand, something that pushes his severe desire to not talk about it aside.
Does he really want to let more people down?
That knock's sooner than he expected. He jumps, from where he's standing, by that...strange, ugly amalgam of scrap metal that he'd been toting around last month. Something to make the room less drab, less rambles and notes taped to the wall above his bed.
(God, he's glad his roommate's out--)
Alex wets his lips. His eyes are locked on the sculpture instead, one finger tapping its question mark shaped head. It bounces back and forth lightly. ]
Ye- yeah. It's open.
[She lets herself in and remembers, too late, her plan to announce her arrival with less sudden sounds. She'll apologize later. She's not sure even the gentlest approach would have helped with Alex in the state he's in, though.
She didn't even put shoes on. The steps of her bare feet are distinctive as she crosses the floor to approach Alex. And she sees the notes, the things scattered around that make this room his and the strange sculpture she'll ask about later, but she's focused solely on him as she tentatively reaches a hand out to brush it against his shoulder.]
She didn't even put shoes on. The steps of her bare feet are distinctive as she crosses the floor to approach Alex. And she sees the notes, the things scattered around that make this room his and the strange sculpture she'll ask about later, but she's focused solely on him as she tentatively reaches a hand out to brush it against his shoulder.]
It's called Oath.
[And then, in something of a too-deliberate rush:]
I've already set one up with Eleanor, so I know how it works now. I can definitely do it. Not that I screwed it up with her, but you know, it was a little bit of a surprise.
[He hadn't expected it to be so immediate. He's set it aside now, so it's not taking up so much of his focus. Hopefully Eleanor has managed to do the same; her new access to his essence bothers him far more than the reverse.]
[And then, in something of a too-deliberate rush:]
I've already set one up with Eleanor, so I know how it works now. I can definitely do it. Not that I screwed it up with her, but you know, it was a little bit of a surprise.
[He hadn't expected it to be so immediate. He's set it aside now, so it's not taking up so much of his focus. Hopefully Eleanor has managed to do the same; her new access to his essence bothers him far more than the reverse.]
[ Alex doesn't pull away. When Sayori touches him, though, she can hear a deep intake of breath. He doesn't turn to see her, yet.
The shoulder Sayori doesn't touch is occupied by Beaky, who is preoccupied preening his hair, like a good bird. Her human's distressed. She'll do what she can. She glances at Sayori and clicks her beak gently. This is good. This is good for her to be here.
...However, it doesn't seem like he's going to say something. Not yet, at least. What to say, what-- ]
I really didn't wanna hide it. [ Ah. Maybe starting there. Maybe-- ] I jus' didn' wanna think about it.
[ His voice is all air, no substance. Like it's impossible for him to force sound through his throat. ]
The shoulder Sayori doesn't touch is occupied by Beaky, who is preoccupied preening his hair, like a good bird. Her human's distressed. She'll do what she can. She glances at Sayori and clicks her beak gently. This is good. This is good for her to be here.
...However, it doesn't seem like he's going to say something. Not yet, at least. What to say, what-- ]
I really didn't wanna hide it. [ Ah. Maybe starting there. Maybe-- ] I jus' didn' wanna think about it.
[ His voice is all air, no substance. Like it's impossible for him to force sound through his throat. ]
The paladin thing.
[ Alex responds immediately. He feels something like...a line of string, from his head to someone else's, invisibly. His big internal whiteboard, keeping whose feelings are whose straight. ]
...Yeah, I know about that. Will, kind of, uh... He got one with me, accidentally.
[ Alex responds immediately. He feels something like...a line of string, from his head to someone else's, invisibly. His big internal whiteboard, keeping whose feelings are whose straight. ]
...Yeah, I know about that. Will, kind of, uh... He got one with me, accidentally.
Oh, uh, yeah - [Michael hasn't really told anybody that he became a paladin. It just feels a little silly? In his particular instance?] - you know. Did he?
[That...Michael thinks about that for a moment. It seems like it could change things. Will's more than capable; he could likely protect Alex better than Michael. It's probably not all that practical to double up. The most pragmatic thing to do would probably be to just Oath someone else. It's not as though Michael doesn't have other friends.
But it doesn't change anything. It wasn't just a job that needed doing to him, something that could be pawned off on somebody else like a pile of paperwork. He wants that assurance - that connection - for himself.
...of course, it could very easily change things on Alex's end. He's already got one paladin all up in his head.]
[That...Michael thinks about that for a moment. It seems like it could change things. Will's more than capable; he could likely protect Alex better than Michael. It's probably not all that practical to double up. The most pragmatic thing to do would probably be to just Oath someone else. It's not as though Michael doesn't have other friends.
But it doesn't change anything. It wasn't just a job that needed doing to him, something that could be pawned off on somebody else like a pile of paperwork. He wants that assurance - that connection - for himself.
...of course, it could very easily change things on Alex's end. He's already got one paladin all up in his head.]
Because he's a threat to all of us, if this wasn't a one-time thing. Hell, he is now, but I'll wait. See if he learns something.
The Director can do what she wants. Doesn't seem like she did much to him, though, after he shot you from the bushes. Who's he gonna off next time for bein' rude? Natsuki? Lion? Maya?
The Director can do what she wants. Doesn't seem like she did much to him, though, after he shot you from the bushes. Who's he gonna off next time for bein' rude? Natsuki? Lion? Maya?
[Sayori peers over at Beaky. She's not an expert on bird body language, but she does figure that animals, especially magic soul animals, tend to know the score. If Alex didn't want her here, it would be obvious.
She extends her hand further to lightly skim her knuckle over the feathers at Beaky's neck in thanks. And then she rests it on Alex's other shoulder properly. Her expression is soft and searching, just the slight downward tilt of her mouth showing her concern, but her grip is firm with assurance.
It's not like his reasoning is crazy. That was part of it all, when she kept what Miss Zarves told her under lock and key until Wonderland dragged it out in the worst way. She gets it, really.
But...]
...did it work? [There's no judgment in the question, only gentle, genuine curiosity.]
She extends her hand further to lightly skim her knuckle over the feathers at Beaky's neck in thanks. And then she rests it on Alex's other shoulder properly. Her expression is soft and searching, just the slight downward tilt of her mouth showing her concern, but her grip is firm with assurance.
It's not like his reasoning is crazy. That was part of it all, when she kept what Miss Zarves told her under lock and key until Wonderland dragged it out in the worst way. She gets it, really.
But...]
...did it work? [There's no judgment in the question, only gentle, genuine curiosity.]
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